We always welcome questions from our clients and followers. We certainly don’t have all of the answers, but we will make every effort to point you in the right direction.
The following question came from a Facebook follower:
Can you recommend any websites or books about hoarding? My parents hoard. I’m looking for advice on how to approach (or not approach) them, and when. How can I take care of myself and have good boundaries?
Great question! “Hoarders” have become a popular topic over the past few years, thanks to popular intervention TV shows. “Hoarder” is actually a colloquial term for someone who is chronically disorganized, which can take many forms and be more or less obvious to an outsider, depending upon the situation. It is estimated that 3-5% of people in the United States are chronically disorganized. If someone you know and love appears to struggle with staying organized, here are a few tips for addressing the situation mindfully:
Be gentle: It is important to broach the subject gently and lovingly. Though it may be hard to understand, remember that the items we hold onto have meaning and value to us, no matter what they look like!
Focus on results: The first step in solving a problem is admitting that there is one, and this can take some time. Focus on desired results (their vision) to help your loved one see they could benefit from support. For example, “it seems you’re uncomfortable having people over because your living room doesn’t look and feel the way you would like for it to. How might you feel if it looked different? What kind of events would you hold here? After you have tapped into the vision, you might ask, “what are the next steps to get there?”
No name-calling! Accusing someone of hoarding or labeling them a “hoarder” may lead them to feel defensive. Many people feel embarrassed or ashamed by their things, their clutter, and the state of their home. Be mindful that we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have.
Offer help: We live in a culture that emphasizes self-sufficiency and control, so it can be hard for any of us to admit we need help! Be mindful of this if you think your offer of support will not be well received. Remind your loved one that nothing is achieved in a vacuum – greatness comes from working together and letting every person bring their strengths to the table. Persons who are chronically disorganized are often innovative and creative, which is a huge asset! Perhaps you can arrange a trade: their creative support for your help decluttering the house.
Start small: If your loved one is receptive to receiving help, that’s great! Start with a small, manageable section like a drawer, cabinet, or surface, for a finite amount of time, such as one hour. Alternately, suggest that your loved one reach out to a professional organizer for a consultation, a workshop, or an introductory phone call.
Stay mindful: Use mindfulness as a tool to help your loved one stay centered and feel supported during this process. Remind them that their feelings of attachment to objects are valid. Help them notice when their attachment to things may have harmful consequences: on their comfort at home, on their social life, on being able to find things quickly and easily. Try this visualizing exercise: have your loved one close their eyes, and voice what would make them happier in their space: “Know exactly where my passport is.” “Have friends over to play bridge.” Brainstorm ways to make these changes possible!
Give space: It can be difficult to approach family members or close friends, who may take your inquiries or offer of support as criticism. If your gentle approaches are rebuffed, be mindful that your loved one may not be ready to make changes, and that’s okay. It’s also important to have boundaries for yourself! If your loved one is not ready to make changes, separate yourself from the situation and don’t take it personally. Though we can always try to help, we can’t make anyone change! We can, however, surround them with love and let them know that we are there if they need us.
Seek professional support: Many people who are chronically disorganized may benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. Education is also important, to let them know they are not alone, hopeless, or “bad people” for struggling to stay organized. Professional organizers are also great resources. We delight in helping people free their spirits from clutter, and we have lots of experience working with many levels of chronic disorganization!
Great resources on Chronic Disorganization can be found at the Institute for Challenging Disorganization, including helpful fact sheets. We also recommend Conquering Chronic Disorganization, a book by Judith Kolberg.
When books and resource sheets are not enough (as is very often the case!) we can help! Visit our website and check out our workshop lineup. You might offer to go with your loved one to a workshop. This is an easy way to start the process and create a greater level of comfort with working with a professional organizer. Workshop participants report that it helps them to see that others have similar issues.
We also offer a free 20-minute consultation to help you assess your loved ones’ needs. To schedule a free assessment, contact Pam at 301-270-0969 or schedule your confidential consultation here.
Do you have a question for a professional organizer? Email us at info@clutterfreenow.com or message us on Facebook and we will answer!
Discover more ways to mindfully declutter your home or office here! >>
Discover more ways to mindfully organize your home or office here! >>
Sources:
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/051711p14.shtml
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