Mindfulness, Clutter & You: Is it Time to Catch Up With Your Reality?
I learn so much from my clients. Home organizing and decluttering is a two-way street and a collaborative process.
One thing I’ve learned from a wonderful client, Sheila, is the notion of “catching up with my own reality.” This phrase of Sheila’s struck a cord because it is very easy to expect yourself to be able to do all of the same things that you used to in an earlier life phase. But if your circumstances have changed subtly or dramatically over time (and don’t they always?) it makes sense to adjust your expectations of yourself, too.
Do you believe that you should be able to do all the things you used to do, plus all the new things you are doing now? If so, it’s probably easy to be hard on yourself when you don’t complete your demanding list of responsibilities. But the reality is that you may be experiencing physical, mental or spiritual changes that require your attention, or circumstances in your relationships that are evolving.
As your circumstances change, so do you
Your life may have changed in significant ways, especially if you’re going through a life transition:
- Having a child
- A change in your health
- A change in relationship status
- A new position or more responsibilities at work
- Caregiving for a parent or other person in your life
Sometimes your reality changes unexpectedly and not by choice. When I had a cardiac arrest at the age of 43, everything changed, not only for me, but for my family, my employer, my co-workers and many people in my circle of friends.
I had to “catch up with my reality” in some sobering ways. Memory loss, physical weakness and emotional adjustments were just a few of the ways that my reality shifted overnight. But often the shifts in your reality are more subtle and less obvious, which can make it more difficult to notice and acknowledge these changes. Maybe you just have a little less energy than you used to have or maybe you need more sleep now than you did back in your school days. Pretending that this isn’t so won’t make your life any easier.
Many times your reality changes due to conscious or unconscious choices related to shifts in what you value. Often these are very valid choices: what you value will change over time and you may now find increased value now in spending time with friends and family or contributing to your community and other causes that you care about.
After experiencing the loss of a loved one or going through life-threatening experience like mine, things that seemed vitally important before may hold less power and significance as you see your life from a new perspective.
Is it time to shift?
If you are devoting time and attention to things that you value, you may find that some day-to-day or work-related activities that you did effortlessly in the past now require extra focus, attention and commitment. Mindfulness and self-care can assist you in finding the balance you need to stay focused and productive.
I spoke with a virtual organizing client who wondered why she used to be able to keep all of her files in order without much effort. I pointed out that she now has a five-year-old child and just started a new professional practice! To mindfully let herself catch up with her current reality she might consider:
- Cutting herself some slack!
- Letting go of some commitments.
- Hiring someone to assist her with bookkeeping or other aspects of her business that could be delegated.
There is so much value in stepping back and taking a close look at where you are today. But it takes stillness and mindfulness to clear your mind and let the most important aspects of your life rise to the top of your consciousness.
I find that I need to be very conscious of this myself. I might engage in developing a new workshop, improving a teleseminar series, writing a new e-book, and taking on leadership roles in multiple groups and then I wonder why I have trouble keeping up!
How to mindfully catch up with your reality
Do you beat yourself up when you are not as productive as you used to be? Or when you don’t accomplish everything that you want to? Or do you “adjust your sails” and stay open to finding a new direction that better meets today’s needs?
If so, it is time to bring self-compassion to your experience and to find ways to shift your thinking! First, notice where your time and attention go. This will offer you an idea of what you value. You may or may not like what you see, but you will begin to become more aware of habits and patterns that are present in your daily life. The clutter in our homes is often a reflection of what you value and can point you towards areas of your life that are crying out for change.
As you become more aware of the state of your current reality, you will be able to decide which habits are supportive and which might be tweaked in order to support your life today and the future you desire.
I invite you to reflect for a moment on one or two ways in which you may have not quite caught up to your current reality. What might need to change in order to accommodate and honor your current reality?
I’m happy to support you with a complimentary decluttering clarity Zoom where we can brainstorm ways to support you as your life changes.
What a lovely phrase “catching up with my own reality.”
Great advice throughout!
Thanks, Andy!
I’ve certainly had times in my life when I had to catch up with my own reality. One that stands out is when I had little children at home. It felt like my time was not my own (it wasn’t!), and I just couldn’t get anything done. This was a hard reality for me, because I had been a very productive person.
My mother suggested I started celebrating whatever I did accomplish, such as unloading the dishwasher or folding a load of laundry. Being mindful about what I did get done helped ease the angst about not being able to do what I used to do. Admittedly, the accomplishments were small, but having someone older/wiser give this advice made me realize that I needed to amend my self expectations.
Wonderful post!
What a wise mother you have! Yes it is sometimes a harsh reality but once you accept that your life is not (and in your case never will be) the same, you can move forward with more grace. 🙂 A “productive person” can have many definitions, right?
Your post exudes compassion. It can be difficult to adjust the expectations you have of yourself. You had capacity to do more and now…not as much. You don’t factor in the changes and turns life takes – health challenges, new family additions, loss, caregiving, and a host of life events, as you mentioned.
But the kind thing to do is to notice. Notice the changes. Extend yourself grace. Be flexible. Let some things go. Get help where you need it. All of these require patient and practice.
I remember when my mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia. It was a slow cognitive decline. She was a powerhouse, a woman who did it all without much help. Over time, she needed help for most things. She was an inspiration in how graciously she accepted that help. I know it wasn’t easy.
Thanks for your kind words, Linda. 🙂 I myself am in the process of “Letting some things go” as you so wisely suggest. In my case it is activities that I would LOVE to do. And if I did them all, I would have no time for family or doing the important work of working ON my business. 🙂 Life is so very full of opportunities. 🙂
What a brilliant way to poise a reality check — catching up with one’s own reality. I’ve said this far less poetically to clients who feel that they should always be able to accomplish not only what everyone else does, but what they always could do. This is especially the case with women who are cowed by society into thinking that all of us should magically and effortlessly be able to add creating and raising entire human beings on top of careers and home/life maintenance. Just last week, I was trying to help a client who was bemoaning the fact that she can’t keep her home “perfect and spotless” as she thought she should, even though she has a wildly and delightfully willful three-year-old. Of course she’s exhausted. Of course there’s more clutter and mess than when she was single. Her reality isn’t the same as it was, and her reality isn’t the same as the image she has of other mothers. I prescribed organization as well as finding a mom group so she could see that she’s doing just fine, and that her current stage (and reality) means that keeping her child healthy, fed, and happy is a bigger achievement than toy-free living room floors!
Transitions are so difficult; even people who recognize that circumstances are different during a transition and after expect THEMSELVES to be the same, failing to take into account health, energy, cognition, and emotions. We are humans, not robots, and you are SO right. These reality checks are sanity savers!
Wow, Julie! Such lovely thoughts. I feel like you have the bones of a blog post in what you just wrote. Do let me know if you ever decide to write one on this topic. 🙂
Mindfulness is such an invaluable tool for an organized life. Another, less poetic version of this that I often say to clients is, “And where are you now?” but I like “catching up with reality.” It combines awareness and self-compassion, both of which are elusive when we have so much going on that distracts. Thanks for such a thoughtful post!
Thanks so much Sara! I like “Where are you now” as well. Whatever phrases we use, self-compassion is a must. I am so glad you found the post thought provoking. 🙂