How to Handle Clutter from Trauma or Loss
We all experience trauma in our lives. Trauma is defined as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience, emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.” Trauma can come in many forms: loss of a job, the death of a loved one, divorce, an empty nest, illness, change of house size, and more.
These experiences, particularly when they are unexpected, can lead to feelings of paralysis and overwhelm. It takes time to adjust to any change (even positive ones!), and changes that are emotionally and mentally draining are particularly challenging.
Change is challenging
In over 17 years of mindfully decluttering and organizing, we’ve supported many folks in moving through overwhelming clutter due to loss or trauma. Dramatic changes, whether planned (downsizing or moving) or unplanned (a sudden death in the family) often create a feeling of “stuckness” in your space and sap your motivation. You may find it difficult or impossible to tackle the paper piles that are accumulating, or experience an inability to find the things you need. Many of our clients express shame and overwhelm at the thought of going through certain items. After our time together, one client shared:
Getting through the “Dread Pile” was the best. It was akin to shoveling snow–seemed like it would take forever and perhaps if I just shoveled a little here or there and waited for it to melt I could get my car out. We drilled through it, opened the space and poof! it’s gone–no longer visually gnawing at my mind saying “Until I get that done, I can’t … (fill in the blank.)
When you’re taking care of a sick loved one or handling the management of someone’s estate, it’s hard to find extra energy to tidy your own home. When my mother-in-law was ill, my home became quite cluttered – despite me being a professional organizer!
There are times when having an organized space becomes a low priority in our lives and we must draw on our resilience and buckle down through difficult situations. When we come up for air, we may see the physical evidence of our struggle in the form of clutter in our homes.
You’re not alone
If you’ve recently experienced a trauma, it’s important to be patient and kind with yourself. Give yourself time to process the experience, and don’t beat yourself up if there is extra clutter in your home.
Once you feel ready, there are resources to help you!
If you are a do it yourself type, make a standing “date” on your calendar to work on your space. To make the experience more pleasant, you might light a candle, open a window or play some favorite music. You could also hire a professional home organizer or therapist to help or ask a friend to “body double” and keep you on track.
We are always here to help! We specialize in helping clients process their things, and the emotions associated with them.
As Robert Frost so aptly put it,
“The best way out is always through.”
When circumstances are tough, where does clutter appear in your life? And what have you found to help you through the tough times?
Things like that “dread pile” can really weigh on you. You have this feeling like “I should be doing this,” but it just gets worse and worse. That is one of the beauties, I think, of hiring a professional organizer. We just keep going, right? And then suddenly, it’s done!
Thanks for your comment, Seana. 🙂 I agree that helping clients getting through the “should’s” with self-compassion and without guilt is one of the joys of my work. 🙂
I love that you used the Frost quote, as it is timeless and true.
Too often, people are fearful of even beginning the process because they believe that if they hit an obstacle, it will mean permanent failure. I’ve seen so many clients with years or decades of clutter wipe out a solid block of it in a matter of one or two sessions, enough to see the potential for success. The trauma often degrades the sense of confidence and hope, but success at making a solid start means that small victories breed success.
OMG, Julie You really got this just right when you say “The trauma often degrades the sense of confidence and hope, but success at making a solid start means that small victories breed success.” Quotable! Thanks for your thoughtful comment and kind words. 🙂
That quote from Dr. Wolkin is very insightful and encouraging.
When my mother passed, we bagged all the random stuff she had in her room and we each took it home to look through. I got it last, so I still have it. It was many years before I accepted that it was okay to toss at least some of it, and to reuse her blank notebooks, but I still have the bag and most of the content. Baby steps, right?
You are right, Janet, Baby Steps! Things that hold memories of those we love are definitely the hardest things to make decisions about. Give yourself grace – you are doing your best. 🙂